Saturday, June 1, 2013

"The longest and hardest week of my life...but it is in those moments when I forget myself and go to work that all of a sudden everything makes sense again and I do not need to worry "

I have so much to write this week and no time! I'm sorry I wasn't able to write yesterday. Because of Memorial Day, everything was closed. Well, this week was the longest and hardest week of my whole life. There were so many times I just wanted to give up. Monday was P-day which was fun! We  played sports! And then calling home was wonderful!! :) Tuesday we got temporary bikes and when we went out to see people the bike I got from the mission basically died on me. The brakes did not work and the seat practically fell off. There were also a lot of other problems that we were stuggling to deal with. Then that night we got our other bikes which were much better but we learned that riding a bike in a skirt is not so much fun! There is a constant breeze here that picks up your skirt, and they ride up and if your skirt is too long it gets caught in the bike. There are also a lot of hills here. I am seriously wondering why the Elders got the new car... I'm trying to be positive but it is a challenge trying to stay modest. Wednesday I got a blessing which was exactly what I needed to hear. We also tried a Thailand fruit which was delicious because the family we ate with had gone on a trip to Thailand over thanksgiving!  Thursday we began running...6:20 am. Already a bad start. We were going to run 1 mile at first. I am super out of shape but thought I can handle one mile. Right at the start there was a hill and I was struggling so much. I felt so sick. And I pushed on because of my Payson Mom but then had to stop because I felt so sick! And we weren't even close to finished. I was dying and it was like Satan had been collecting all of my doubts and fears that I had pushed aside and in that moment dumped them all on me. The weight was more than I could handle. I was walking and Momma kept saying just pick up your feet and keep going but I couldn't and I walked more than I should have. When I finished I was a mess. I felt so sick and when we went home I just cried. I didn't know what to do because I couldn't get rid of all that was dumped on me in that moment. I felt a little better later. For dinner we ate at a home where they had our plates which was such a tender mercy but made me miss home a lot. Friday my companion and I went to talk to President McCune about some things and I didn't feel as resolved about them as I had hoped I would but then we went to the temple and got to participate in Sealings which was a neat experience. We also got to see Sister Harrison and went and ate at this place called The Awful Waffle and it was DELICIOUS! They have waffles, crepes and pizza! I got an omelete type crepe and it was so good! I wanted to try everything though! Saturday we did a lot of service got to go visit some people which was awesome! Sunday was the first day that I had that I felt so good and so productive. We spoke in 2 wards, made cupcakes, met with a Relief Society president, and went to Mission prep to help out. When we got home I said that I felt that I deserved a Gold Star for the first time in the field and immediately I was more sick than I have ever been in my whole life. My comp and I have been sick with our stomaches upset but not too bad for the last two weeks but all of a sudden I was just so sick. I spent practically the whole night in the bathroom crying. All I wanted to do was call my mom and the fact that I couldn't do that crushed me. Sister Reynolds let our Payson mom know that we wouldn't be able to run in the morning and the next thing I know she is over at 11:30  at night with every sort of thing you could imagine to help me feel better! I was so glad to have her in that moment of need because I couldn't have my own family. And then she acted out all of her very dramatic vomiting experiences. She was so out of it and it was hilarious! haha. I finally fell asleep at 3 I think. I barely ate anything yesterday because there was no way I was going to be sick any longer. One of the Elders also told me that it was my fault that I was sick and that I chose to be sick.I was so upset and was wondering if it was a righteous desire to have him take all of the pain and sickness I felt so that I could tell him he chose it. Probably not though! haha. It was Brooklyn's 5th Bday ( sister) and we just spent all day out in the sun while they played on the water bounce house. haha. Anyway it has been a rough week and I wish I had more inspiring things to say but I am out of time completely! I love you so much! I am feeling better and hope I can make you proud! All of you praying and supporting me is what keeps me going! It is in those moments when I forget myself and go to work that all of a sudden everything makes sense again and I do not need to worry. Also, Momma shared with me a talk I believe although the clip said Advice from Elder Bushe. I encourage you all to find it and listen or read it because it is incredible and helped me get through one of the roughest weeks of my life. (Christa-Maybe you can share it on my fb?) Well I love you! Stay strong even when life is tough!

Sister Balero

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